


The luckiest man alive

by micasaessakusa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:46:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27784705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micasaessakusa/pseuds/micasaessakusa
Summary: Memories be damned.Challenges be damned.But his luck?He’ll forever thank his lucky stars for bringing you into his life.For as long as he has you by his side,he’ll forever remain the luckiest man alive.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Kudos: 43





	The luckiest man alive

If someone were to ask Bokuto what he thinks about life, he would undoubtedly give an answer that couldn’t be fitted into a three-hour monologue.

Tangents about his favorite pleasant aspects of his life would be there: his friends and family, volleyball, the feeling of victory, the feeling of being loved, and speaking of love - you.

Bokuto Koutarou believes he’s a very lucky man. 

Of course, he gives great weight to hard work, but he’s just so lucky that his hard work has almost always been coupled with, well _ , luck _ . He’s lucky to have found his passion in volleyball, lucky to have been surrounded by people who always support him, lucky to have gotten the opportunities he’s been presented, lucky to be doing what he loves, and lucky that you’re there beside him.

Ups or downs, you’re there for him. And he’s  _ so lucky _ that you make your presence even more known in his slumps. Did he do something good in his past life for him to be blessed with good fortune  _ and _ you in his present life?

_ Maybe he saved the world or something, _ is what he always thinks.

And because of the luck that’s always been by his side, Bokuto is  _ naturally optimistic _ . How could he not be positive when he always gets what he wants, right?

Sure, people see him as someone who’s easily swayed emotionally. And someone who feels down from the most mundane things must be a pessimist instead, right? That would make better sense, but when has Bokuto Koutarou ever abided by sense?

Even in the face of whatever Bokuto shows outside, his heart and mind are always set on looking towards the brighter side of things. 

For example: he can’t hit well?  _ Aww too bad _ , and for sure he’ll mope around a bit.  _ BUT _ he’s already looking forward to getting back up again and hitting those super satisfying straights and thin crosscourt shots of his. 

He fails an exam? You’ll see him hiding under his desk, muttering about how he just couldn’t get his mind to wrap around topics.  _ BUT _ he’s already thinking of the tutoring he’s going to get from Yukie and Shirofuku because  _ of course they’re not going to let their ace fail and get bumped off the team for academic failure. _

They lose a game? He’ll undoubtedly be inconsolable for a day - maybe even two.  _ BUT _ he’s already pumped with adrenaline from the anticipation of the future MSBY training sessions that would surely tire the heck out of him. They have to work to secure that next win after all.

Luck is always on his side. How could it not be when in his point of view,  _ he’s the protagonist of the world _ .

Whatever comes his way is just a challenge waiting to be conquered. He could be sad and mopey for sometime, but for all intents and purposes, he’s absolute that he could triumph over anything.

To sum it up, even though Bokuto Koutarou could not be contained in a few words, if he does try to name a few to describe himself, it would be:  _ lucky, optimistic, _ and of course,  _ grateful _ . Gotta be thankful for all that fortune after all.

That’s who he is. 

So when word reached him that you got into a terrible car accident that almost took your life, he cried.

He cried,  _ sobbed-- he broke down  _ in anguish and absolutely refused to leave your side throughout the whole operation to save your life. He remained adamant to not leave you by yourself in the weeks that took for you to recover, and he willed himself to remain optimistic that you would wake up from the coma-- that he could once again be given the chance to gaze upon your gentle, familiar orbs that he’s come to cherish so much.

It tore his heart to see you  _ asleep _ . 

That’s what he took to calling it: _ asleep _ , for if he called it what it really was, he’s afraid he’d break down even more. And break down he did. Just after being told of the severity of your condition, he fell to his knees on the hospital hallway, unable to support himself from the disbelief, the sadness that he felt. But his friends and family were there the whole time, never leaving him to fend for himself.

His teammates never left his side, especially Shouyou, your cousin Omi, Tsum Tsum, and of course, Kuroo and Keiji. Even with their own busy lives, Bokuto’s just  _ so lucky _ to have special people that gave him strength when he needed it the most.

Bokuto wept from the accident, but he thanks his lucky stars that you survived, you made it out alive and that’s what really matters. He’s grateful that despite what happened, you weren’t taken away from him, and because of that, he’s optimistic that you’re going to wake up and give him the privilege to be with you again.

The universe must have heard his wishes, for you suddenly woke up a couple of days after the fifth week mark.

He remembers it clearly.

_ It was nine in the morning, he saw the time on the dashboard of his car before he shut the engine off. Lucky he found a parking spot near the entrance, as he remembers that time Atsumu drove him to the hospital and it took them almost half an hour to find a spot. _

_ His ringtone broke through the sound of the morning rush just as he closed the door to the driver’s seat. Plucking his mobile out of his jean pockets and holding a cup of coffee with his other hand, he answered the call, seeing ‘Omi-Omi’ on the screen. _

_ “Yes, Om--” _

_ “[Y/N]’s awake--” _

_ The steaming coffee slipped from his grasp and that’s all it took for him to run through the parking lot and into the entrance. He spotted a line in the elevator so he turned a corner instead, and opted to hike seven flights of stairs to your floor, skipping two or three steps to get there faster. _

_ His heart was beating so fast it felt like it’s going to burst out of his chest, but he ignored it. He didn’t even notice the muted ringing in his ears from the adrenaline, all he’s thinking was how he needed to see you, he needed to see you. He needed to see you he needed to see you he needed to see-- _

_ All eyes turned to him when he barged into the room. _

_ It felt like all the air escaped his body as he stood there glued to his spot. He saw you, already seated and looking at him. _

_ You’re looking at him. _

_ He didn’t notice the tears streaming down his face. _

_ He took the first step, the second, the third, and soon he found himself kneeling beside your bed, your small hand grasped into his warm and much larger pair. Holding it tight with the desperation of a man afraid to lose his only one. _

_ And there, he let it all go. It all came crashing down on him. The tears fell even harder than before as he cried his heart out. --the panic upon seeing your unmoving body, the fear that you might not survive the operation, the horror that gripped him when they told him you were in a coma. _

_ \--the adrenaline that seized him when Sakusa called, the nervousness in his steps on his way up. The relief from seeing you awake-- _

_ “Who are you?” _

_ His entire body stiffened upon hearing your voice. First, from the unparalleled comfort of having to hear you again after so long, but then he registered what you said. _

_ Still sniffling, he wiped his tears with the back of his hands, only then realizing how much he cried from the moment he saw you. His brows furrowed a little in confusion, looking around the room for a bit, only then did he process the solemn looks on the faces of his friends, each one unable to look him in the eye. _

_ “What--?” he said softly as he let his gaze go back to you.  _

_ “I’m sorry,” you told him in an equally soft voice. “I don’t know who you are.” _

_ Your voice was barely above a whisper, but it might as well have been a shout from how loud your words rang in his ears. You turned your gaze away from him, pulling your hand free from his grasp as you kept your own hands clasped on your lap instead. _

_ “Kiyoomi,” you called out with a bit of urgency, making your cousin rush to your side to give you the sense of security you needed. _

_ The doctor cleared his throat lightly, catching his attention. Still confused and unable to wrap his head around what was happening, he stood up and walked slowly out of the room as he was escorted outside. He chanced a glimpse at your tired body just before the door shut.  _

_ He saw Kiyoomi huddled over your form as you held onto him desperately.  _

_ You didn’t even spare Bokuto a glance. _

That was around twelve months ago, just seconds before the doctor finally told him about your condition. How the blunt force trauma to your head caused brain damage, which ultimately resulted in a version of retrograde amnesia.

But it was partial, said the doctor. The accident only seemed to have affected a few years of your life. Fortunately for you, you were able to retain your memories until some time after college. At least you didn’t have to wake up at a loss about who you are, at least you know your family, at least you remember your cousin Kiyoomi, at least  _ at least at least at least--  _ but it was all just a big blur to Bokuto.

The moment he heard you remember  _ just after  _ college -- _ roughly about a year after your uni grad when you tried out for pro-league _ , he blanked out, because that means you don’t remember him.

A year, that’s how long it’s been since you woke up. One year, one month, two weeks, and six days since the accident you were in, if he wants to be specific.

Months spent dying to engulf you in his embrace. Months spent unable to lie in bed with you beside him, to just go back to talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Months spent just visiting you in Sakusa’s loft because that’s where you’re more comfortable staying.

He respects your boundaries, but he just can’t help but miss everything about you.

_ He misses you.  _

_ A lot. _

But still, he thanks the world for keeping you alive. He can’t even begin to imagine what life would be for him had things taken a turn for the worse, but he doesn’t have to think about that. Again, what matters is you’re alive and well.

Even with your condition, Bokuto still believes he’s lucky to have you by his side. Well, maybe not all of you, because while you’ve slowly gotten back to some of your usual routines like work, you still don’t have an inkling of who Bokuto really was, or is supposed to be for you.

The two of you go out on dates, and on some days, you even sleep in his apartment -  _ your shared apartment _ . He takes you to his games, you go to family events together and the like. But even when you spend most of your time together, _ you still don’t remember your Kou _ .

He’s thankful for your safety, but he can’t help but wish for your speedy recovery every single night. There’s not a day that has gone by where he doesn’t wish for your brain to just suddenly regain what it lost.

_ No matter, though _ , Bokuto always thinks. This is just another challenge he has to overcome, and because he knows you’re strong, he’s optimistic that you could conquer this one, even if hope seems a little bleak this time around.

_ But he’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes to get you back. _

You’ve decided to resume training with the EJP Raijin, your home team, of course under the guidance of your personal therapist and your trainers. He’s not too worried about your safety as he personally made sure to get a therapist recommended by his most trusted coaches. Plus, Motoya trains with the EJP men’s team, so really, you’re well taken care of.

The idea was also approved by your doctors who suggested you go back to doing what you mostly did before the accident to possibly try to trigger memories to resurface.

He snaps out of his trance as he watches your practice match. Your coaches let you participate in this one even though you’re still out of commission for the league proper.

It’s just training, but the way you move reminds him of when he first saw you in action. You might not remember participating in the league, but your movement now on the court serves as a painful  _ but very beautiful  _ reminder of what made him fall for you in the first place.

You might not have your memories, but everything else - _ your focus, determination, tenacity, your strength,  _ it’s all there, and Bokuto could do nothing but smile in his sheer awe of your person.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is for you to run straight to him after having won the practice match. Sweaty and a bit out of breath, he sees you running straight towards him.

And heavens, your smile… the smile on your face right now could light up his life forever.

He opens his arms to catch you as you jump into his hold, winding your arms around his neck to keep him in a tight hug.

“ _ Kou!”  _ you exclaim. “We won!”

And he freezes.

You feel him stiffen almost instantly. Bokuto’s so far into his head that he fails to register the wide smile on his own face and the tears that promptly run down his cheeks.

_ You remember him! You remember him you remember him you remember-- _

“Kou?”

He jolts from his thoughts as he looks at you expectantly. You raise your hand to wipe the tears that adorn his face, a worried frown decorating your own.

“Why are you crying?” you say as you tilt your head in confusion.

“Do you remember now?” he breathes out the words so quietly you almost don’t hear them but the moment you do, it doesn’t escape his notice how the color practically drained from your face.

“I--, Bokuto--”

It feels like his heart is being gripped by barbed wires as he registers what you just said.

_ Bokuto. Bokuto-- you don’t remember him. You don’t. You do not remember him. You still don’t. _

And that’s all it takes for him to release you from his hold as if you had just burned him. You try to reach out to him, but he steps away from you. Shaking his head in denial?  _ Hurt? Confusion? _

He sprints away out of the gymnasium, his thoughts running wild, filling his mind with unfiltered  _ hatred _ of the world.

_ It’s just not fair! Why is this happening to him! Why must the world be cruel when he’s done nothing but good! Why must it happen to you and him! Why? Why! _

_ Why can’t you just remember him! _

And he collapses on his knees at the deserted hallway, his sobs coming out raw and  _ wounded _ . The pain of having you stare at him without recognition for a year burning his heart and seizing it with just--  _ just hurt _ .

He cries at his hatred of the world. The optimism he so absolutely and almost religiously held onto for his entire life breaking apart at his feet like shards of glass.

And like that, he also finally breaks.

A year. He tried to stay positive for a year, enduring the feeling of his beloved looking at him as if he’s a stranger, as if they didn’t share years together. As if the growth they had with each other meant nothing to the world. As if everything they shared with each other was so miniscule to just  _ be gone _ because of one accident.

And so he cries and cries. He lets the anguish come out. He lets the anger and hatred and  _ pain _ come out with each choked sob.

It must have been a minute, five, or maybe thirty minutes, an hour.. He doesn’t know. He heaves himself out of his slumped position to sit on the floor, and he closes his eyes as he lets his head tilt back against the cool surface of the wall. 

He’s just so tired from everything.

It’s only when he opens his eyes again does he see you standing a ways away, face fallen as if the world turned its back on you. And from the looks of it, he knows you saw his meltdown.

You approach him, taking small steps in an attempt to see if he’s going to drive you away, but he makes no move to stop you.

All the while, he keeps his tearful gaze on you as you kneel in front of him.

A fresh bout of tears breaks free from his eyes the moment you take his calloused palms into your careful hold.

“ _ Kou _ ,” you call his name softly. “This past year has been challenging for me… but I can’t even imagine how- how terrifying everything must have been for you.”

Your voice remains low, but he hears it loud and clear, and his heart clenches from how you’ve thought about him even when you can’t remember him.

“I know it’s not the same. I’m not the same, but Kou--,” you halt, and his eyes widen open upon seeing tears in your own pair. “I don’t remember you, but when I see you sad I--  _ I just can’t take seeing you sad. _ ”

A choked sob escapes your throat, and his instincts tell him to pull you into his strong hold and he does. The warmth emanating from his body makes you relax into his  _ familiar  _ touch.

“I still don’t remember, and I don’t know if I ever will. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just--  _ I’m sorry,”  _ your cries reach his ears, and he pulls you even closer to his chest, hugging you against him to ease your pain away.

You raise your palm to caress his jaw, prompting him to look at you, and he does. He looks at you as if you’re his whole world, memories be damned. Challenges be damned. Because now, as he looks at you, _as he actually looks at you,_ _he sees the same you that he fell in love with._

_ “My brain doesn’t know you the way it used to, but my heart… my heart knows you, Bokuto Koutarou.” _

_ He sees the same you that he keeps falling in love with over and over every single day of his life. _

And as your lips meet in a whispered confession of love shared only between the two of you, he finally comprehends just how lucky he is to have you in his life.

_ Memories be damned. _

_ Challenges be damned. _

_ But his luck?  _ He’ll forever thank his lucky stars for bringing you into his life.

For as long as he has you by his side,  _ he’ll forever remain the luckiest man alive. _


End file.
